When people hear intimacy with God it brings up many emotions. Some may find it intimidating while others may find that it brings them a sense of hope and security. Some may say that it's impossible while others feel there's nothing else in life to live for. But many people just do not understand what intimacy with God truly looks like. 

     Before embarking on my gap year my relationship with God had dwindled to almost none existent. If there was a path that lead to God I was making every decision to run in the opposite direction. Intimacy with God was something that I had feared for so long. I had this view of God in my mind that becoming close to God meant that I had to give up everything that brought me joy. That if I chose to be close to God he was going to take away every hope and dream that I had for my future. I knew that God would forgive me no matter what I did and that was all the relationship I wanted from him. I felt that intimacy with God meant that I had to spend the rest of my life slaving away at something that I could never achieve. Something that was one-sided and never really lead to any relationship with God.

     During the beginning of my training camp, a friend of mine sent me a youtube video about the love of God. His Agape love. Even when I said no to him and choose sin his love for me does not leave. No matter how many times I choose the world God will always be choosing me. Agape love is unconditional, forgiving love. A love that comes before anything has been received but the person expressing agape love. God is agape love. In 1 John it says “And we have come to know and to believe the love that God has in us. God is love, and the one who resides in love resides in God, and God resides in him.” Finally realizing that God loves me in this way started to bring so much healing to the flawed perception I’ve had of God

     Later in my race, I was reading the book “Fathered by God” by John Eldredge. This book is about the stages of a man's life. A little over halfway through the book I'm on the chapter “Lover”(123 Eldredge). At first, I thought to myself “oh, this must be about finding a wife”, but soon came to realize that it's about how God is ultimately our lover. God has instilled something in me that he calls out to me with, “A longing that is hard to describe, a compelling ache for Beauty”(123 Eldredge). He uses beauty in this world to woo me. He is actively pursuing me in everything that I do each day. Wow. this realization has opened a part of my relationship with God that I could never have imagined being in. God is not just there to take away your hopes and dreams, to punish you for choosing the world over him. He is pursuing me through his creation, through the amazing plan he has for me, through the relationships he has blessed me with, through the never-ending joy and peace he has instilled in me, and through our one-on-one times. The relationship that I have with God is personal now. He pursues me in ways that he pursues no one else. His love for me is unique to me and it is something that I now cherish. Being a son of God. 

The story of the prodigal son depicts this love God has for us perfectly. 

“Then Jesus said, “A man had two sons. The younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me the share of the estate that will belong to me.’ So he divided his assets between them. After a few days, the younger son gathered together all he had and left on a journey to a distant country, and there he squandered his wealth with a wild lifestyle. Then after he had spent everything, a severe famine took place in that country, and he began to be in need. So he went and worked for one of the citizens of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. He was longing to eat the carob pods the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything. But when he came to his senses he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired workers have food enough to spare, but here I am dying from hunger! I will get up and go to my father and say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; treat me like one of your hired workers.”’ So he got up and went to his father. But while he was still a long way from home his father saw him, and his heart went out to him; he ran and hugged his son and kissed him. Then his son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you; I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ But the father said to his slaves, ‘Hurry! Bring the best robe, and put it on him! Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet! Bring the fattened calf and kill it! Let us eat and celebrate, because this son of mine was dead, and is alive again – he was lost and is found!’ So they began to celebrate.”

??Luke? ?15:11-24

Ring and Robe (welcome home)- bethel music 

God is the father and I am the son. He runs to meet me on the road. Clothes me with a robe, puts a ring on my finger, shoes on my feet, and celebrates my return. He loves me without condition and loves me when I choose the world over him and will be waiting for me to return loving me just as much as he loved me before.